


Trigger that Ship

by Kryptronics



Series: What happens after the credits... [3]
Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Anal, Bad fish puns, Biting, Black Romance, Blood, Bulges and Nooks, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, F/M, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Glasses, Goggles - Freeform, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Loving Sex, Masturbation, Minor Feferi Peixes/Rose Lalonde, Minor John Egbert/Vriska Serket, Minor other relationships, Multiple Personalities, Nook Eating, Oral Sex, Rain, Rough Sex, Sexual Tension, Social situations, Teasing, Troll Anatomy, Voyeurism, female bulge, grubscars are just scars, handjobs, hidden sexual minor organs, homesmut, nook sex, sub plots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-16
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-24 07:15:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7499040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kryptronics/pseuds/Kryptronics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kankri found a kismesis...<br/>or she finally realised what was going on.<br/>Meenah and Kankri in this new world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Trigger that Ship

He bites down on your neck, the pain flares through you fuelling your hate. Peaceful, your ass! Kankri Vantas was about as peaceful, in the bed room, as a bull shark with a bad temper. He reeley wasn’t the peaceful crab that hid in its shell that he projected to the outside. You hate the fact he hides this Hercules crab strength to the public, but then again that hate is partly why you are here in bed with the crabby git. He bites your neck again, that’s it you lash back. You bite straight into his shoulder, he recoils flames of hate flickering in his eyes. You’ve asked him what makes him hate you and he always says it would trigger you. It’s surprising reeley your kismesis still annoys you with trigger warnings even though you already hate his guts, it shows you found yourself a white whale.

His fingers find your nook. Three of them delve into you at once. He brings them out, a thin film of fuchsia coats them. He lifts them to his nose, then smiling he brings them away. He then brings them to your mouth. What the fuck is he thinking! There’s no way you want your nook juice in your gob, but then an idea forms, somefin reel devious.  You open your mouth, he smiles in an almost triumphant and curious way. As the fingers go in, you can almost taste your nook juice it’s a salty almost acidic taste, then you put your idea into place. You bite down on his fingers, not to bite them off but enough to cause cod damn pain.

He yanks his fingers out looking at the small red dots appearing on his index, middle and ring finger around the middle phalanx. He instantly shoves his hand in his mouth. You grin at him “somefin tells me you ‘aint finking about where that’s just been.”  He takes a minute removes his hand from his mouth then licks it with a smile. “I w9uld say delici9us 6ut that might 6e triggering…” you cut him short, in anger you kiss him. “Don’t you even fink about starting a lecture!”

He smiles and grabs your shirt; He lifts it off over your head. You’d have loved to shred his annoying red jumper but he’d removed it before this had all started. You quickly slip off your panties, your trousers lay discarded on the ground. You took them off, around when Kankri slipped off his jumper. He carefully unhooks your bra and takes it off, your tits flop a bit, but you are such a skinny bitch you barely have any. You’re just slightly over a ‘B’ by human standards.

Kankri lets out a sigh of relief “Thank g9d Meenah, Vriska was trying t9 trigger me when she said y9u were an ‘edgey’… w9man, wh9 had pierced her nipples in 9rder t9 sh9w t9 her partner h9w ‘edgey’ y9u were.”  You snort, then burst out laughing. You flick a nipple carelessly and grin “nah, these fish bites aren’t on show enough to do that. It’d be a waste of good metal.” He looks at you curiously then smiles. It’s a nice smile… not many people smile at you like that, but the guy is such an annoyance you can’t help but hate the git.

You pull down his overlong trousers; it takes a lot of effort. He’s wearing boxers, this surprises you, you’d always thought he’d be more of a tighty-whitey guy. But Kankri Vantas apparently is a reel transformer, more than meets the eye. Oh Gog Dave’s un-cool cool is rubbing off on you! 38D You fish through the crotch flap and find a healthy sized bulge and a pair of shame globes not to be sniffed at. You pull out his bulge, it wraps around your hand slightly. You kneel and begin to lick the shaft. Your tongue runs over the bumps as Kankri makes grunts and sighs of pleasure. Eventually Kankri explodes, his genetic material splashes over your chest as he tries to pull it away from your face. He apologises sincerely but there’s still a small note of condescension to his tone.  

You wipe most of the mess off and try a small amount. Not exactly unpleasant; but not beutunaful. Kankri kneels, lifting you onto the bed so that your nook is exposed. You whale at the annoyance of being moved but it’s not a heated complaint, it’s just to show you aren’t vacillating to red.

All you can see of Kankri is his mop of black hair and his two nubby horns. To be fair to the guy his horns looked slightly bigger than when you’d first met the small fry. Height wise Kankri had gone from small fry to average fish very quickly; he was now actually taller than you and stood about a cm or two higher than his ‘brother’,  who although not the tallest guy was taller than all the girls at least in head height.

Then you feel it there’s a tingling and warm sensation around your inner thighs. Kankri is licking the inside of your leg. The frustration is ofishal, why won’t he just go straight for your nook. Then you reelise… he’s doing this on purpose! The freaking basstard. You mullet over, but as you do he moves closer to your nook. 

Damn the guy knows what he’s doing, not bad for a celibate guy. Your insides are snarling wanting his bulge, but Kankri’s swimming strongly against the current. The more he slows things down, the more turned on you get, the more control he gains and the more you hate the guy for being such a right smug git.

You grasp his horns and using them as handlebars, you steer him straight to the sweet spot. He protests slightly; muttering that touching someone’s horns without forewarning is the highest form of triggering. You wonder if the guys being truthful or if he’s being coy… sometimes even you tire of fish puns...  you don’t have long to think because as previously stated Kankri has hit your sweet spot and he’s doing somefin mean to it.

His tongue pushes inside your nook, you cry out a bit. Not obviously or anyfin, just enough for the guy to reelise he’s chumming the waters nicely. His warm hands grasp your hips, giving him more control, his tongue movements become stronger and your nook pulses contentedly, yearning for his genetic material.

He looks up after a minute. “why’d ya stop?” you ask annoyance put into your voice, concern flooding your mind. He smiles a sad smile then says “h9w did we get here?” you look at him incredulously. A torrent of thoughts hit you like a sailfish on steroids. How did you get here?  Why are you and Kankri Vantas, The Insufferable, in your room? How did you form a kismesitude with the supposedly celibate one? How does Kankri know about how to pleasure your nook so well? Has the guy even had sex before? Then you stop. You look at your kismesis and realise you don’t give a splash… okay that one was bad… but regardless, you hate the basstard and he hates you so things are going swimmingly.  You slowly smile, your most shark like one, and with a small leap you wrap your arms and legs around his middle and whisper into his ear “I’m gonna trigger you so hard!” Something taps your nook and you look up to see a dark smile crossing his handsome, if annoying, face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah I started this one just after I finnished Part 2 Fun in the cupboard  
> It looked interesting to write and also a hassel to explain.  
> I love the idea people read the stuff I write, so thanks all of you.  
> Enjoy  
> Oh and I'm not going to appologise for all the fish puns.Sorry


	2. You’re alive, he’s alive…  why won’t he shut up already!?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the second chapter this takes place before the first and third  
> the begining of the background if you will.

(A month earlier)

The alarm goes off, same as every other day since ‘The End’. You wake up. It’s too coddin’ early. You flick your alarm clock off your bedside table. It breaks... Fish dicks! You lie in bed for a few more minutes…This is a bloody waste of time. You eventually flop out of bed, your hair is messy and your braids look like a shocked octopus.

After getting dressed and eating something fishy… not that kind of fishy! You think your girl Areana might have tried cooking again… your phone vibrates annoyingly in your pocket. Opening it you notice Kankri has messaged you. ‘Triggered any9ne yet?’ … what the glubbing heck did Kankri think he was doing. You message him back ‘‘FUCK YOU! 38P’ he messages back, minutes later ‘we need t9 have a seri9us talk a69ut y9ur 6latant…’ Too long didn’t read. You get the message though… Kankri needs to get laid. 

You spend the day talking to Feferi, your ‘sister’. You’ve all now taken to calling each other’s Dancestor as appropriate: sister or brother. Feferi isn’t the coolest fish in the tank, but now you are family and working at the local gym keeps her occupied and you, the current owner, wealthy and also happy. Kankri messages you a few times during the day… The lecture continues.

You go to bed that night, a new alarm clock placed carefully on your nightstand. Your house feels somewhat emptier, now that Feferi doesn’t live here. It’s part of the reason you asked Aranea to move in. Though she had accepted, Aranea had been different… ever since you (not you, but the awesome other you) had kind of killed her… again. Aranea had grown something of a… backbone.  She no longer would pay you to listen to her. She had strange, almost identity crisis moments where she would suddenly become ‘The Nastiest ruler of the sea!!!!!!!!’ and try to take your head off with an aquarium fishing net.

No one had died since the end and no one particularly felt like rolling the dice to see if god tier immortality worked. That was one oddity though; everyone had for some reason gone god tier, sort of. Those who were god tier; well stayed the same. But people who didn’t like your sister, sort of went god tier without knowing and without the lame pyjamas.

You are just falling asleep when your phone vibrates… you put your glasses on. ‘G99d night Meenah. I h9pe y9u aren’t thinking trigger9us th9ughts a69ut y9ur h9usemates disa6ility #check y9ur privilege.’ You look at the message… shit the guy is actually shortening his sentences to less than 1000 words per text. You respond in proper etiquette ‘‘GOOD FUCKING NIGHT YOURSELF!’  your quite pleased with that, it’s of the calibre Kankri’s brother Karkat might put… man that krabby guy certainly gave some feelin’s to your expanding blood pusher. A few seconds later ‘y9u’re thinking ab9ut my br9th3r…’ shit how the glubbin fuck did the guy know!

‘So whut’ got a problem with it, shrimp?’ you text back fuming a little at the nerve of Kankri. It doesn’t take long for the response ‘SHRIMP!? D9 Y9U KN9W H9W TRIGGERING THAT IS!? I AM N9T THAT…’ Did he reeley expect you to read those lame rants. You slam your phone down. Wriggling into your sheets, sleep comes gladly.

The next morning the alarm goes off, save its strange. Instead of the monotone beep; Kankri’s voice fills the room. You rub your eyes, putting on your glasses. Kankri is stood in the door with a note pad in one hand and a bored expression plasterd on his face. Your first thought… oh god Aranea let the git in. followed by the second… why the glubbin fuck is he in my room!?

 “9h g99d y9ur awake.” Kankri begins. Before he can get a second word out a fish shaped pillow hits him square in the face. Time almost slows as the pillow falls. His face is not angry… it’s amused!?  This annoys you further, your bed becomes ammunition central. Soon a flurry of cushions, clothes, an alarm clock and verious other close objects, like sharks swimming at mackerel, pelt towards the intruder of your grotto of sleep. Kankri slowly backs out the room under the hail of... everything you can get your hands on.

You get out of bed. Noticing for the first time you’d decided to sleep commando. Also noting that in your hurry to throw everything at Kankri, you’d thrown EVERYTHING at Kankri. A knock comes from the door to your room. The door opens and a hand appears. “l99king f9r these? I d9 6elieve that y9u threw them at me in your m9ment 9f unthinking malc9ntent, y9u really sh9uld l99k int9 that temper 9f y9urs. Imagine if y9u had thr9wn y9ur trident and it had hit me. Wh9 kn9ws what might have happened.” You look at Kankri’s hand… dangling from his fingertips are your favourite panties; blue with shark prints on them.

You lunge at the door. Just as he walks into the room. Your fist smacks the side of his face. He turns 180 degrees, a dazed look coating his face, and walks out again, taking the panties with him! The git must have the memory of a goldfish. You pull on an oversized t shirt, that obviously had arrived next to the door from a 'bad shot' not that you had those, and bolt out the door. The landing corridor is a mess of… well everything you threw at him.

You stalk downstairs. As you reach halfway down Kankri’s voice hits your ears. He’s talking to someone, and doesn’t sound particularly happy about the situation. “Yar 8e in mae territory 8oyo, yer lili livered ass 8etter 8e gone sharpish or I will gutt yer with me here vorpal 8lade.” As those words assault your ears, only one conclusion is reached; ‘The Nastiest ruler of the sea’ was on Kankri’s case.

“Hush, hush. N9w, N9w. D9n’t w9rry. Y9u are 9kay. C9me 9ver here Aranea. Yes that’s right, put d9wn y9ur aquarium net. N9, d9n’t hit me with that! N9 y9u aren’t ‘The nastiest ruler of the sea’. Shh. There, there.” You flop downstairs stunned. From what it sounds like, Kankri Vantas just calmed Aranea down. The two of them are sat on the floor against the wall. Kankri holding Aranea in a firm but gentle hug, papping her occasionally. The ‘deadly’ aquarium net is sat on the floor next to the pair. A flush of jealousy runs through you; you’d been trying to get Aranea over one of these episodes for a while and hadn’t succeeded even in the slightest, and in comes Kankri and he just settles her down as if he’s culling (Beforan version) a wiggler.

You frown “I thought I told you to move your butt.” Kankri looks up at you. A strange look coats his face. “Y9u did. I think, I sh9uld g9.” It’s almost as if the guy is annoyed that you asked him to leave so soon. Aranea looks up at him a blank expression, “why hello Kankri, how did your chat with Meenah go?” Typical! After one of her episodes Aranea would resume from where she last remembered, so far you have never had the expanding blood pusher to tell her about her 'sessions'. Kankri turns to her “y9u d9n’t remem6er?” she pauses “remem8er what????????”

You look at her “Can’t you just read his mind, or somefin?” She looks puzzled then smiles “good morning Meenah, you are up so early!!!!!!!!” Kankri puts a hand on her shoulder and looks pointedly at you “I d9n’t think that she needs all this extra, 'stimulus' after rec9vering fr9m such a sh9ck. I’m sure she wants t9 6e treated as if n9thing has happened, and in my 9pini9n; I think that checking 9ur privileges as n9n sufferers we sh9uld leave her 6e, f9r n9w.” You completely disagree. 38(

He slowly helps her to her feet and gives her a small smile. You walk forward and help Aranea into the spacious kitchen. Looking out the large windows, you notice it’s crashing down. Aranea hugs your arm almost timidly… that’s… weird and unusual, but not bad. Kankri enters into the kitchen smiling at the weather outside. “9h it’s raining!” you give him a questioning look “Da fuck Kankri, you like rain?” he nods. shortest answer today!

Since he isn’t going anywhere, much to your annoyance, you flick on the kettle. Aranea sits on a stool at the island in the middle of the kitchen. The stools are seashell shaped! They are so comfy and cool looking! The guy that sold them to you was a chump, and they were a steal! Then again, bullying Eridan into lowerin’ his prices was easy as telling your sister there was a cuttlefish in the pool: Easy to do, but left a small after taste at the look on her face when she’d run all the way to the swimming pool and found no cuttlefishes. You'd also still push her in, but you'd feel bad about it ...sort of. 38)

Anyway back to your awesome kitchen. Kankri also sat at the island, the git, looking out the window to the down pour beyond.“How’d ya take your tea?” You ask him tersely. He thinks about this then says “I’d like it black… n9 wait just 9ne sugar.” You frown, why couldn’t the guy just make up his mind… “And a small am9unt of milk, please if that’s n9t t99 much tr9uble.” For Cod’s sake! You think angrily. Aranea of course takes hers: black, two sugars. You make yourself a milky sugary tea, because somewhere deep inside you want to make sweet things.

You hand out the teas and sit down next to Aranea.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a less intense chapter.  
> This part of the story is more about meenah realising Kankri is looking for something, as currrently she think's he's celibate.  
> No fucking this time, this will be rectified in next chapter.  
> Also part 2 of this series: Fun in the Closet just reached 500 hits! So that is incredible, for me at least.  
> next chapter soon.  
> kryptronics
> 
> P.S. I tried to make the text messages coloured.... didn't really work. Will try agian another time  
> Edit: tried and succeded! to carry on though?


	3. Fuck to the future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> back to the present kankri and meenah getting up to stuff  
> notes later

(Back to the present)

Kankri’s Bulge penetrates your nook. You’d have liked to have said that, but the shellfish git was just having a laugh… his bulge rubs against the opening of your nook, the end playfully tapping your nook bump. Annoyance mixed with pleasure bubbles through you, you smile sweetly at him. He is too focused on his delight of rubbing your nook with his bulge. You carefully, still holding yourself up with one arm and his hands comfortably cradling your ass, lower an arm behind him.

 Your fingers squeeze his ass cheeks experimentally. Kankri barely shows any reaction. A small smile appears on his face, but it’s more likely for a gasp you just let out. As his bulge just flicked your nook bump particularly hard, sending spasms of pleasure flowing through you. You stretch a finger out, all the while letting out small pants at the stimulus so meanly denied form your nook’s interior and with a gentle beckoning motion rub with a small amount of force the skin right next to Kankri’s waste chute exit.

This gets his attention. His red eyes lock on your fuchsia ones, small fires of anger appear menacingly in his eyes. You smile a shy ‘you got me’ smile, and in one motion push one of your fingers up his waste chute. His body is warm around your finger; the passage is tight and almost constricting.

 His face darkens, with what looks like shock and pure rage. It’s almost funny. Until a malicious grin crosses his face. You notice his bulge has stopped stroking your nook. Too late! Something tickles your waste chute exit. An angry burst of sudden discomfort roars from your behind. You realise his bulge is up your waste chute. It penetrates a whole lot further than when you’d tried using your fingers, a couple of days ago.

Determination reins your face into a smile. You refuse to lose this battle of discomfort and begin to move your finger back and forth inside of him. A strange look crosses his face. He’s stunned for a moment, as you finger his ass. He eventually catches up to the present. His arms lift you up. You involuntary pull your fingers out. His bulge coils inside as he lifts and then he quickly lowers you. His length shoots up inside you. The air leaves your mouth in a whoosh, leaving you breathless; half in shock, half in pleasure.

You feel his muscles tense as he swings round. He lifts you up. he drops, back first, onto the bed. His bulge rushes up inside you propelled by your momentum down. You decide to try and take advantage of being on top. You lift yourself up and off his bulge. A wave of pleasure fills you, almost making you collapse, as his bulge slips out of your waste chute. You’re on top, and you’re in charge. You pull his bulge straight. His shame globes look slightly enlarged than previously. He’s almost Ready to release you think, time to put the pressure on. His eyes water slightly at the roughness, of you yanking his bulge, but a look of defiance quickly spreads over his annoyingly charming face. You slip his bulge carefully into your nook. Your insides hug and massage it, as it wiggles and writhes defiantly inside you.

You press your body into his, raising and lowering your hips to pull him slightly in and out of your nook. He still looks despondent and crabby; it brings a smile to your face. You worm your hands under his back. When in place, you turn your nails up and roughly dig them in to his skin. Kankri’s teeth grit with discomfort and he bucks more forcefully into you. You grin with satisfaction: This is your kismesis showing you, his hate is just as defiant as yours. His hands grasp you firmly under your armpits and his thumbs forcefully manhandle your sensitive breasts. You bite his arm, one hand lets go. With a grin you go for the other. As you do he rolls you beneath him, thrusting all the while, and leans in and savagely kisses you.

You return his kiss. His tongue explores your mouth, holding down yours sometimes, and sometimes you flick his towards your shark like teeth. The swirling and intensity leaves you slightly out of breath, you break away. He’s breathing more heavily. A cocky smile pulls at the corners of his mouth, the git obviously thinks he’s king of the ocean.

His hand lets go of your boob. He thrusts into you with gusto. He lowers his head to your chest. His mouth goes to your breast. You start slightly as his tongue does a ring around your fuchsia areola. His tongue flicks your nipple. He does it again. The feeling is warm and pleasurable, almost like a recupracoon’s warmth on a cold stormy night. He presses his mouth down enveloping your nipple in a warm cavern. A sharp pain harshly jolts you. His head quickly moves up from your chest. Fuchsia drips from his pointy teeth. You glare daggers at him. Though in your head, something gives him kudos for whole biting thing: Very bull shark-esque.

He runs his tongue along his teeth, tasting your royal plasma. A frown covers his triumphant face. “C9d y9ur bl99d is sweet!” You smile at the fish pun; you know he did it for you. He exclaims “n9 w9nder p9rrim always tells me we’re such prudes.” You grin at him a shark like grin “maybe I will have to try you! See if your candy red tastes so sweet.”  His body stiffens and goes rigid. His red eyes cloud over, his cheeks flush red, his bulge becomes a mere pole in your nook, and his mouth hangs slightly open. You get a felling of slight worry, he’s no rainbow drinker and that may mean that your blood won’t agree with him.

You hate the guy, sure. But its hate in a ‘he’s so annoying I want to fuck his brains out’ way, not in a ‘I want him dead and gutted like a fish’ way.  His eyes de-cloud back to their normal red. He looks down at you a small smile on his face and a tired look in his eyes. “We’ve g9t a l9t 9f interesting times t9 c9me.” He says in a matter of fact voice. “Did you glubbing just see something?” you demand “oh seer of blood?”You add, a slight note of mock to your voice hoping your fear doesn’t come through.

His bulge begins to move, “may6e” he says coolly. His bulge writhes even more vigorously inside you than previously; he’s stirring up a whirlpool inside you.  You reach out. Grasping his hips you dig your nails in and pull into his thrusts. He looks at you; a look of discomfort and confidence on his face. He grasps your hips and adds his strength to yours.

 


	4. Bloody tea when it’s raining

 (Back to the stormy past)

You look across to Kankri, he’s sipping his tea quietly. At that moment he looks up catching you looking. “Thanks f9r the tea” he says politely. You take a sip yourself. Fuzzy glowing warmth spreads through you, as the hot liquid slowly runs down your throat. You smile at no one in particular, just looking out the window at the rain. “It’s quite 6eautiful, isn’t it?” a voice from nowhere says. You start, remembering where you are. Aranea answers happily “looking at rain whilst warm indoors, with hot tea is a wonderful com8ination.” You stand up, as you do the back of the over large ‘Whale be friends for ever’ T-shirt catches on the side of the bar stool. Your bum is briefly exposed to the oven and possibly Aranea, but she’s just started talking to Kankri about the finer points of precipitation. You quickly unhook it and swear in your head you’ll make Eridan pay (Even though to be honest he hadn’t done anything wrong, its more the idea of bullying a few more bucks out of him that fuels your ‘revenge’ plan).

Kankri breaks conversation with Aranea for a second, a small smile flickers across his face, he pulls out your shark print panties and holds them out over the island. “9h my! I nearly f9rg9t a69ut these.” You look at him, he expects you to just reach out in front of Aranea and take your blue shark print panties like nofin is wrong. He bloody well does! You reach out slowly and then snatch them quickly out of his hand. Aranea laughs amused.

“Your face is a 8eautiful shade of fuchsia Meenah!!!!!!!!” Aranea announces. Your cheeks are burning somewhat, you turn promising that you won’t take long and leave the two of them. As soon as you get out of the kitchen you pull your newly re-acquired panties on. A small shock passes through you; as you pull them on a little forcefully and they ride slightly into your nook.

You quickly travel to your room. Sliding the pile of stuff you threw into your room, with your foot, you enter. You pull off your whale shirt and pick up a black one with your symbol on it. Now to find a bra! You walk topless to a chest of draws with sea shell shaped knobs, bending over you pull out the bottom draw. Finding a bra you pull it on, clipping it together at the front then shifting it around and up. Pulling on your shirt and finishing your look with a pair of grey jeans, you leave the room and head back downstairs.

Kankri and Aranea are chatting amiably as you walk back into the kitchen. Both of them are facing the window to the garden, admiring the torrent outside. “Thank y9u f9r y9ur h9sppitality, b9th 9f y9u. I will h9pe t9 see y9u later.” Kankri announces getting up. The fact he’s leaving the second you get back does rub you the wrong way, slightly. In some ways the git isn’t leaving soon enough! “Remember about knocking, next time you want to enter into a sleeping girl’s room.” You say slightly tersely.  “I will try.” he remarks. Did Kankri just sas you? You think about this slightly shocked: firstly because this was bold move for the chum, and secondly because, wow the guy answered in less than 4 words, a new record by your standards.

 When Kankri leaves, Aranea waves him off. You just stand at the door, arms folded looking grumpy. “You could remove that brush pole from up your 8utt.” Aranea comments.  What was the world coming to first Kankri, now Aranea! You turn round “what!?” Aranea pushes her glasses down her nose slightly and tilts her head to look over them sternly at you. “The guy just came here to go over some new plans for a class trip to your gym, and you go and throw your 8ed and wardro8e at the guy!” Aranea scolds you.

You can see the disappearing top of Kankri’s umbrella disappearing around the corner; it’s being pummelled by the rain, this brings a small smile to your face. Annoyance flares through you within seconds of him turning the corner; partly because of what Aranea had just said and more so because Kankri had probably put her up to saying it. Kankri taught Year 6 junior school students. (5th grade elementary school for Americans) He was pretty good apparently. Though this was only what you’d overheard from some of your employees, who happened to have children who attended his school. You shut the door, after taking one last gander at the watery scene unfolding outside your house.

The rest of the day passes lazily, you do a butt ton of boring paperwork and treat Aranea and yourself to pizza in the evening, ‘Anchovie ahoy’…  Aranea’s name for the pizza you ordered. She didn’t even like anchovies much, it just had eight letters without the ‘s’ on the end. It was pretty much your average pepperoni and jalapeno ordeal, with a few anchovies spread about to remind you both of the sea.

You’d considered it a few times, upping sticks and just going to live there on the beach.  But the same reasons that drew you repulsed you, although you now got on with your sister, your dislike for the Beforan Empress ran deep and the ocean just reminded you of those times.

Kankri, had a way about him similar to the Empress: they both preached peace of a sort, but the difference is that Kankri would leave you alone… then a thought bubbled up from the depths. But he hasn’t been leaving you alone. You instantly got frustratedly angry about that thought; a part of you angrily questioned and another pleaded no. Moving from the house phone you walk down the hallway to the kitchen window, that looks out on to the garden, to watch the rain for a while till the pizza arrived.

Aranea walked into the room “pizza going to 8e long?” she asked, Breaking your mesmerisation with the small blips of water cascading onto your garden. A garden that wrapped snugly around your house, surrounded by a tall bush to stop the neighbours peering in. “what? Oh yeah pizza. That will be here in a minute.” You reply not even remembering how long it’s been since you ordered the Anchovie ahoy.  “It’s already here.” Aranea replies. “You know anchovy is seven letters” you reply she gives you a knowing grin “how long did that one take to figure out?” that throws you… she was messing with you. Though secretly you’d thought the eight letter version slightly cooler; in that it was something both your quirks potentially shared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took a bit longer than expected It was originally going to be longer, but it fit better as two chapter format so that’s how it’s going to be. In terms of my writing, I’ve started University again, so updates will be few and far between. However, I have not lost my spark nor my damn dirty mind. So never fear smut will appear… wow I just wrote that… Anyway! Expect updates, just not as frequently as I’d like. Oh yeah! Next time will be past Meenah with a bit of smut, but not a smut filled romp in the not so distant future


	5. How you discover waste chute fingering

Still in the past (future and past will eventually meet but not today)

You and Aranea sit around the 90” TV you recently picked up, the old 75” plasma is now in your room. The pizza box lies empty on the table, the anchovie ahoy utterly devoured, save two slices Aranea put on a cling film wrapped plate in the fridge; for midnight snacking or breakfast.  A documentary on sharks dominates the screen; footage of a great white shark launching out of the water, narrated by Morgan Attenborough, it is both majestic and thrilling.

“yar, I 8een thinking wench.” You turn your head, expecting the worst; Aranea has got up on the chair remote held in one hand like a cutlass. Obviously it’s damage control time. You hate being damage control, instead of chief damager. “I 8e wantin’ to fill me quadrants an that pansy might do fine and fill two!!!!!!!!”  you stare at her a sneaking suspicion curling into your mind, like octopus tendrils round a chest. “pansy?” you ask in a cautious voice. “yar he 8e tw’one with the roundie wuss horns, red eyes and a tushie I could eat.” She replies a nasty grin on her face; she licks her top lip slowly after the comment about eating Kankri’s bum.

“You can’t!” it’s escaped your glubbin’ mouth before you could even think! Her cerulean eyes turn on you “oh, wench! An why naet then?” she’s got you on this one, you the genius Meenah made to look like a flounder floundering on a line. Reasons and excuses blur through your brain like fish in cars ona motorway... fish pun similies are hard to think of when your flustered.38( You look up and find Aranea’s face right in front of yours, her glasses flashing cm away from your face and a cocky crooked smile rocks over her usually comely face. “ye haven’t answered mah question wench!!!!!!!!” she growls half menacing, half pure enjoyment.  You struggle to come up with anything that won’t let out too much. From the look on Aranea’s face, she looks like the shark that got the biggest tuna that’s separated from the school right in its sights.

You open your mouth, words you can’t unsay forming on your now dry lips. Aranea’s face goes blank a look of puzzlement then passes over it. “Meenah why am I in your face????????” you shut your mouth like a nutcracker and mumble “stuff.”  Aranea looks at you funny “you know I’m having funny things happen to me a lot recently.” You look at her puzzled but glad the subject is off quadrants.(you hope) “oh reeley, anyfin in particular?” you ask. She pauses, looks embarrassed or annoyed it’s not a look you’ve seen her use before, sits down next to you and turns to you.(oh cod it is!) “Well the other night I went to 8ed same as usual, a good few pages of Troll 8ridget Jones’s Wiggler under my 8elt feeling fairly comfy and content … and then I woke up, it’s a dark outside and there’s a strange feeling in my waste chute.” She pauses, her cheeks burning blue.(no it isn't, but this is gold!) “So I go to the en suite sit over the toilet thinking… well you know and then I flip on the light; since nothing is happening… I dunno, I got curious. Well, yeah I had a look in the mirror. For some reason one of my dildos had been rammed up my waste chute!!!!!!!!” she gives an almost accusatory glare. You have to hold your face very still. One slip and you’d be one housemate fewer, and laughing the roof off to boot.

Eventually the mirth leaves you. Aranea’s eyes are still locked on your face, a stony glare visible behind her glasses. You hold your hands up in placation. “You don’t fink it was me!?”(It wasn't you, but you have a sneaky suspicion 'the nastiest ruler of the sea' has been having a bit of post pubescent experimentation... no wonder she was interested in kankri he's one of the most anal people you know and you've met Horus) your eyes widen in exasperation at the idea. Sure you’d pulled pranks on her before, there was the time you’d put cling film over the bowel of her toilet and she’d pissed on herself, or the time you placed a pie on top of an open door and laughed when she'd closed the door and it had fell on her face and you couldn’t forget the time you’d exclaimed you’d seen Jake naked in one direction then pushed her into the pool whilst she was distracted looking for him. But those were just pranks; this was not your M.O.  It was obvious to you who’d corked Aranea’s pooper shooter and the worst part for her was the answer.

You kinda wish that her sister wasn’t the bitch she was some times and would just take the role and tell her sister about this instead of: 

-Making you promise to never tell Aranea about the incidents, as if she knew Aranea better than you did!?

-Getting Dave to time rewind the tattoo and removing her piercings, she’d looked cool with them. Though not cool enough to stay with. You liked her, but your quadrants weren’t charity cases.

-Fucking that John boy and not even saying what the skate was going on. Even the boy was concerned, he had a decent Kismesitude going on with Latula’s sister Terezi and those two being moirails really didn’t make things easier.

You just hoped she’d flush red, it’d be easier on Aranea. Who of course taught them all about quadrants and therefore took liberties in helping them maintain their kismesitudes, moirailegences and matespritships.  You were just glad you could manage your own so well… Moirail: possibly Aranea. Kismesis: vacant. Matesprite: again the lone killer whale in the pod of one. Damn that’s depressing. Anyway you went off topic there. your conscious swims back to reality.

She fumes for a moment then realises you’re not lying, for once, about pulling a stupid prank. “fine then!!!!!!!!” she snaps then adds in a slightly lighter voice “Well I can say this a8out the experience it wasn’t half a 8ad feeling pulling it out.” You gawp at her, a smile crosses her face then becomes darker “when I find out who, did this…” her fist clenches “I will gut them, like the 8ulgeless 8astard they aaaaaaaare!!!!!!!!” you both sit quietly and finish watching the documentary, Aranea now and then twitching in remembered annoyance. (an impressive feat with morgan attenbourough on!)

When the documentary ends you switch off the TV. Putting the remote down on a side table you walk out the room. Aranea follows and clicks off the light as she does. You walk down the hallway past Aranea’s room. Aranea stops at her door, you smile and wish her good night before going upstairs to your room.

You close the door and begin getting ready for bed. A few minutes later you slip under the covers, a baggy shirt and a pair of loose boxers covering your grey skin. A hand fondles your breast underneath your shirt; you rub your nipples to erection then gently begin to massage the breast. One hand drags its self down your torso; drawing sparks of contact as your fingertips brush over your skin.  Slowly you feel under the waistband, with small circular motions of pointer and index you begin to tease your clit.

As your midnight masturbation session continues you step up the intensity, eventually inserting a few fingers and stroking the inner walls. Though you are very aroused something is missing, a sensation, a spark, just something that needs doing that hasn’t been done. You think about everything that’s happened and one thought sticks out. It’s Aranea’s comment, or more likely the part “it wasn’t half 8ad.” You move your hand down and with one finger probe at the surface.

You move your hand away. This was silly and besides you honestly speaking weren’t that interested in exploring your waste chute, but that being said you were curious as to how good it was and it would be only once. You could do it, find out then never have to do it again. Your finger goes back to the hole, you caress the surface rim. It does feel interesting and not exactly unpleasant stroking the outside of your waste chute. After a few moments of this you feel a whole lot more relaxed, you stretch out a finger. Then slowly, meeting a small amount of resistance insert your finger.

You pull the finger out, a sensation flashes through your body and it’s not what you’d call a bad one. You repeat the process waiting to reach a relaxed state before slowly inserting your finger in, this time you insert it further in, a slight discomfort arises as your finger plunges deeper. You then slowly begin to pull the finger out, the pleasure this time is unmistakeable and spreads through you.  You breathe in and push a second finger in.

You continue for a while you achieve orgasm a few times, and then tired and satisfied you slip into a deep sleep. The last thing that crosses your mind is the thought of Kankri turning up with his class to the pool, and you beating him in a swimming race you somehow convinced that sweater wearing bird’s nest to take part in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> notes: ah one of my favourite parts, I get to talk about what’s going on.  
> If I didn’t make it clear Terezi and Vriska have a moirilagence going on, and a strong one at that.  
> This story doesn’t follow the end in the traditional way, the people are an amalgamation of game over, The end and a bunch of stuff i came up with so I could have character traits some of the ‘perfect timeline/canon versions’ couldn’t have.  
> 


	6. Going to the pool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meenah goes to work. Convorsations with sister, some sneaky spying and a car ride with Annoyance numero un

(in the past but quite close to the present)

You leave the house full business attire, totally wearing a kickass bikini underneath, gonna kick some ass today.  You click open your car, place your bag on the remora seat (passenger seat: because usually whoever is sitting there is effectively a remora.) Aranea had a bookstore round the corner from where you lived, but owing to her ‘episodes’ she mostly worked from home and took shifts when needed (this was enforced by her employees, as originally she’d enjoyed working there every day however her alt had tried to impale (with pens or even once a particularly phallic looking sex guide) or plunder too many potential customers), so Aranea rarely used the remora seat.

Though a certain rounder horned, overly talkative and annoying troll happened to work in a school ‘conveniently’ on the way, did happen to take that remora seat. Just as you are about to turn the ignition, the remora side door opens and without a ‘d9es this trigger y9u?’ Kankri is sat next to you in the remora seat: your bag on his lap, his dumbass red jumper as tradition dictates worn comfortably and a look of happiness beaming from his annoying face. “G99d m9rning Meenah!” he starts. You open your mouth to tell the cucumber (yes the sea kind) to get out, but he’s already strapped himself in and you hate him for it, but you’ll be late if you try and argue and somehow he seems to convince you every time an argument breaks out… why do you keep letting him catch these lifts!?

You start the car. He smiles “It’s g99d that this time y9u’re actually wearing s9me’fin’.”  You don’t even rise to that attempt; you pull out from your parking spot and begin the drive to your work (though yes you will stop for less than a minute for Kankri, if he doesn’t make it out in time. Well then he’s coming to work with you…oh great). 20 minutes later Kankri is droning on about how he plans to teach his students about ‘t9lerance’ today, you think you’d be an ace professional witness about '‘t9lerance’'; with putting up with driving Kankri to work and just People in general. 

You pass by his work, pause outside the teacher entrance. Kankri bolts out, a wave and a smile lighting his face, you frown and look displeased with the carp brain as you usually do. No you will not be picking him up after he’s finished work (as far as he's aware). Rain clatters down around you as you reach your workplace less than 10 minutes later, traffic lights had held you up then just as the  lights went green what do you know the  heavens open and you’re going to need to run to the door of work. 

You dash out of the car, the world does look amazing coated in a watery sheen. As you run you notice that through the windows, you can see a figure wearing a fuchsia and black custom racerback standing at the head of the pool a school of heads looking up at her. A smile curls on to your lips; Feferi is already in and earning you some cash, it’s what you like to see!

You enter the Gym and throw a high five to Dirk who is just exiting after leading a class on ‘Dank sword skills’ he’s a good employee, when he comes in it’s great for business, the kids love him. The receptionist gives you a list of calls made to you, that you missed, not that you care. Fobbing her off you make the trip to the pool. It’s time for little sis to get an emergency inkspection (…octopus pun). You take a seat in the side box. A few parents are sat there chatting and watching their offspring learn how to swim.  Feferi doesn’t even blink at your arrival. She’s a good teacher which is partly why you hired her, the family thing was more of a convenient way to pay her less. She’s teaching the school of students how to do the butterfly stroke. Her teaching assistant a particularly handsome teal blood troll catches your eye and a few seconds of your mind over if he’s worth making a splash at, you oddly figure it’s not.

After the class you head to the changing rooms, a slight desire to get some good swimming in before you have to deal with that mountain of calls and paperwork. As you get closer to the changing rooms two familiar people appear, wanting some gossip and not wanting to disturb them you dart behind a support  pillar and observe.

John and Vriska are walking together their hands are close but not touching both have a rucksack and a towel draped over a shoulder. The thing that strikes you as most intriguing: Is that as Vriska enters the women’s changing rooms, and as John goes to continue on to the men’s Vriska pulls him in.

Curiosity almost about to explode, you walk to the cleaners quarters entrance in between the changing rooms. Checking no one is inside, you walk to the women’s side entrance and peer through the one-way mirror door. You installed these for the reduction in number of mirrors needed in each changing room also the cleaning quarters were only used when needed; most of the cleaning staff used their break room when not needed.

John is stood in the middle of the changing room looking unsure and Vriska has just locked the entrance. It’s fine the only people here who would need to use this changing room would be Feferi, who wouldn’t change till her day was over (she still had lifeguard duty and the seniors to get on with) and maybe a few potential mums, who got the itch for a dip after seeing their offspring try ( no luck for them with these ones, though there are a second set of changing rooms upstairs that are fine to use, you are efficient like that).

Quickly you look away from the shenanigans grab an out of order sign from a bench and exit the dark cleaners room. You hang the sign on the women’s changing room door and silently re-enter the cleaners quarters, finding a comfortable spot behind the mirror door.

The scene in the other room has progressed a bit: They have finally put down their baggage. Vriska and John are now sat down on the benches, one of his hands tenderly clasped between hers. She looks into his eyes, her eyes misting slightly as she talks to him (damn they are wispering and hearing would be impossible without the door opening). He gently smiles and nods at her. She releases his hand and throws her arms around him. You are personally shocked, she was never this way with you (what the glubbin heck did she say)! The two move their heads together lips touching, then interlocking in a passionate union.  John’s hand reaches behind her head, but Vriska offhandedly pushes it down. Breathing slightly more intensely,she breaks their union and delicately starts to pull off the blue zip up hoodie he was wearing. He looks nervous then cautiously begins to unbutton her military grey over shirt. You look out at them, safe in the knowledge that you can’t be seen behind the cleaners door. You unbutton your shirt too! If they are getting comfy you sure as tiger sharks have teeth are too.

Vriska stands, John holds her trousers as she does pulling them down to her knees. She steps out of them giving John a playful smile and settles down to her knees. “Your turn now ‘Windy’!!!!!!!!” she says a light and un-Vriska like laugh escaping her lips. You are downright weirded da fuck out. John however isn’t he laughs quietly, kisses her warmly on the lips and says “Vris, don’t start the role-play stuff, I want to enjoy being here and doing this with you.” She blushes cerulian. If you had not been aware that John had a lengthy history of movies to pick up that cheesy one liner from you would have thought him Dr. Smooth, though your blood pusher does pick up a beat even so.

You observe on unseen. This time John stands, Vriska carefuly unbuckles his belt then slowly shuffles his trousers off, an unmistakeable look of impending excitement lighting her face. A smile dancing on his face John pulls his black ectobiologist shirt off over his head, revealing a slightly toned stalwart body that had obviously seen some action. Vriska looks almost stunned by the confident gesture for a moment, then regaining her cocky smile and composure she slowly pulls her Scorpio shirt off over her head displaying a slightly lacy, obviously custom, light blue bra with the wind symbol scattered throughout the design.(Definnately Maryam made but which one?) This was special and you feel almost wrong to be watching, but somefin holds you there like a hermit crab peering out of it's shell.

John looks at her his eyes are shining, it’s like he can’t quite imagine what’s actually happening. Vriska smiles back, her hands reach for his boxers and hooking into his waisband prise them down and off. You had already seen some of the bulge peering through his boxers but now it was released, calling it a bulge seemed… an understatement it, it was a swordfish, no a sea serpent… oh fish dicks it was big.

 Vriska grins bearing her sharp teeth. A look of worry flits across John’s face, his tackle loses some of its vigour for a second, Vriska noticing takes it in two hands, looks reassuringly up at him and begins to stroke along the length. You sit there, by this time you’re wearing just the bikini you’d put on earlier, most of your suit underneath you to provide a more comfortable seating arrangement. John is beginning to make small sighs as Vriska pleasures him, she pauses and he looks down concerned (poor tuna doesn’t realise this is where it gets good) she raises herself up slightly and takes his tackle in her mouth. He flinches at first, her sharp teeth must have lightly grazed it, but he settles in to a contented expression quickly as Vriska works her charm.

watching the scene unfold infront of you, you remember a bit of what that felt like when you were together; Vriska would take special care to stimulate your bulge till it extended and expanded to full girth, then pleasure you till you almost begged to give it to her. You find the memory of the girl in the other room has caused your bulge to surface from its dormant nook bump state. You slowly begin to caress it through your bikini bottoms remembering to lightly flick your fingers off at the tip to stimulate a certain memory.

John is now lying down on one of the towels they had brought, the second under his head like a cushion. Vriska head still bobbing is straddling his chest, her curvacious bum hovering a few inches from John’s nose. His hands raise to her darker blue panties, he draws a line up her sex with a finger which makes her body shiver in anticipation. He raises his head, places his arms on her ass for leverage and kisses her inner thighs slowly and sensually which elicit small muffled noises from her busy mouth.

John pauses and his eyes flutter a few times as Vriska’s fishing catches a sperm whale. She stops, turns around and with a confident smile flowing on her lips, she swallows obviously licking her lips in satisfaction. Your bulge engorges to full girth and length, tiny in comparison to the beast Vriska's dealing with in the changing room, but you begin to stroke your excited bulge anyway.

Vriska has now poised herself over john’s head, his face is buried deep in her cinereal loins. She’s almost looking at you (which is impossible btw, you made sure of that when you installed the doors you didn’t want cleaning staff annoying the patron’s by entering when there was obviously people in the changing room and also you didn’t want your patrons seeing your cleaning staff.) Vriska unhooks her bra revealing a pair of beautifully respectable (much bigger than yours, the lucky bitch!) breasts peaked with pert cerulean nipples. She casually weights them in her hands before letting out a sigh of pleasure, as whatever John is doing up in her buisness is working. Your bikini bottoms untied at the sides and your fuchsia bulge on full display, you keep stroking your bulge one handed, the other lightly stimulating your nook one of the fingers finding its way slowly to your waste chute. That pleasurable feeling is quite growing on you.

John is now taking the top position. Vriska looking up at him smiles, a smile she never shared with you, one shared between two beings in what Karkat might put as ‘SHITTY HUMAN EARTH LOVE OR SOMETHING, I DON’T KNOW GO ASK A FUCKING HUMAN!’ John leans in kissing her cerulian painted lips as he penetrates her nook; Vriska's arms lock around him as his hips begin and she lets out a breath of pleasure. You let one out too, your genetic material starting to shoot out of your small delighted bulge. John and Vriska are locked in ecstasy, two bodies merged together enjoying those carnal desires you can only remember as memories and even then, what’s going on here looks… more intense. 

You shake your bulge a few more times; as the stream of fuchsia genetic material flows from it, like a fountain begins to wane. You sigh quietly and contentedly, slipping out the fingers from your waste chute and nook where they had been very happily stimulating your insides.  You wash your hands using the sink closest to the men’s changing rooms, then stalk back over to your clothes. Your bikini bottoms are surprisingly fine with only a few spratty drops, however your suit…  well it will need a wash to say the least. You figure that as long as you roll it up so the genetic material is on the inside and put it in a plastic bag no one will notice anything fishy and you will be safe to take it home in your back pack. The wall and floor however, they're gonna need a major clean up.

You tie your bikini bottoms together again. You then roll up your suit as quietly as possible, the two lovers still enjoying the pleasure of eachothers company the other side of the door. Your glad, Vriska looks pretty flushed for John this will be a whale off Aranea’s shoulders, and hey good on John, the scourge sisters in both sexual quadrants not bad at all!

You leave your suit and bag in the cleaning room and exit. Once out you quickly shower then dive into the pool, glad you’d also traded your glasses for your prescription goggles before leaving the cleaning room. It wasn’t that water was a problem, you had the ability to see underwater but glasses weren’t the easiest things to swim in. Your sight issues carried underwater as well as over, regardless of your eyes ability to work underwater.

A few minutes after you dived in a familiar form appears next to you. “Why Boss lady, what a glubbin surprise to see you!”  You softly turn in the water to face your sister, grinning “I watched a bit of your lesson earlier Shark Bait, that’s some teaching assistant you have there.” Feferi burns fuchsia, highlighting a few of her fuschia freakles. “You know my quadrants are fine!” she snaps at you. This is surprising: last you’d heard she’d been huffy at her matesprit, over a black fling with one of her house mates.  “So Eridan is still in the picture?” you ask gracefully swimming circles around her. She retorts quickly “why wouldn’t he be?” “Oh no reason" you reply, a wicked smile replacing your witty grin on your face. There were times when she was living with you that you might have seduced that fish boy just to piss her off, but with your saintly temperament, the fact the guy was (although apparently almost polar of how he was in session) a loser and also owed you money (sort of), you somehow decided not to.

A query arises “Aren’t you on duty?” she glances at the big clock on the wall “not yet” she sighs “I have five minutes and the pool is practically empty” you give her a grin and quickly swim away calling out “all these days constantly here and still slower than me!” the challenge takes a few seconds to register before she’s speeding after you. As she reaches you a small fire burns in her eyes “five lengths! Loser buys Winner dinner tonight!” She growls. You grin back at your fool of a sister and nod, easiest dinner of the week heck you might even invite Kankri if you win. That thought then reverberates, ‘da fuck are you thinking about him for!’, though before you have more time to think you realise there’s a race to win. You swim into the lengths lanes, where Feferi is already waiting head out and underwater, arms back, hands holding sidebar and feet firmly set against the wall. You follow suit, a nod underwater and you both push off against the wall, causing a ripple that disrupts most of the other lengths swimmers.

Five lengths later, you pat Feferi coolly on the shoulder. “you got better, but you need to work on those turns.” You remark chipperly. In honesty she was so close to beating you that you would almost be scared to offer another race, but dinner has been secured and now you can gloat. “I believe though, you owe me dinner! slow fish!” She looks at you and a smile forms “fine, but you have to bring Kankri along, and I’m bringing Rose. no arguments I'm paying!” You look at her in puzzlement as she gets out of the pool to start life guard duty. What the glub was up? Why Kankri and more over why the heck Rose!? Puzzlement abound you resign yourself to going along with it, Feferi is stubborn on these things and besides if she’s the one paying you could put up with Rose or even that annoying git Kankri (who previously you’d thought to invite. only in jest to yourself ofcourse, a reel clownfish when you wanted to be).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the longest chapter I’m submitting, possibly longest written. By the time you’ve read this I’ve gone and altered all text colours a small thing I did for this story on account one of the parts of this series Fun in the Cupboard reaching 1000 hits! In terms of story why did I write this? Well tbh it’s to actually show how lonely Meenah is feeling remember there’s time shenanigans in this one and the first and third chapters have yet to happen chronologically, it also allows me to show a few more characters interacting and create a few throwbacks and references to earlier parts of the series. A full John x Vriska thing will be written at some point just for now it’s not for a while. As for what’s to come after this I think a previous phone call in the series is the answer. Also a bit early but probably the last thing I post before the holidays, happy Xmas and a happy new year.


	7. Operation: Get him to the city /stealth manager cleanup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clean up on isle ‘cleaners’ quarters’, Latula on channel Awesome! and Kankri wears a shirt and tie!?

You sit in your offish wearing a marine blue ‘world’s greatest boss’ shirt with a picture of a great white sporting your horns and a pair of your most stylish glasses, and a pair of sandy cargo shorts. The shirt had been a joke (you hope) Christmas gift from your sister and the shorts; were just a pair you had happened to have left in the offish for some reason and had never actually got round to taking home.

You look up at the clock on your wall, 3.20 ten more minutes… the minutes tick past slowly. You make a quick call during this time and request the downstairs swimming pool cleaners’ quarters offishially off limits. You need to clean that room up before it’s discovered, and theories as to why fuchsia genetic material is splattered all around the women’s changing room cleaners’ entrance ( wow that’s a mouthful but ‘WCRCE’ isn’t much better) start to swim around the gym.

3.30 hits and you have to strain yourself not to speed dial the git (what the glub is up with you?  You are excited to invite Kankri! That’s right Kankri the remora who pisses you off almost any chance he gets and you are shella excited to call him up and ask him if he wants a free dinner.) You pick up your phone; he’s the second contact on speed dial owing to his barrage of strangely omnipotent texts. The most recent of those texts being ‘I feel I sh9uld inf9rm y9u that y9u sh9uld 6e m9re respectful t9 y9ur sister, y9ur w9rds have a weight which alth9ugh negligi6le t9…’ and there he goes into another sanctimonious backhanded lecture. How the shell he even knows about your offishial winner’s speech is beyond you, probably some seer-bull shark shit.  

You hit the call button on your phone and stand nervously by the window fidgeting with a pen, like an Alternian pre-pubescent troll about to finnd out their ancestor for the first time. The phone rings, after the third ring it gets picked up “Hell9 Meenah can I 6e 9f assistance, d9 y9u by any chance need an inf9rmed pers9n 9f guidance t9 help…” you splash heavily into your desk chair, (oh cod you have to do this c’mon fish girl just ask before he gets up into one of his talks…) you interrupt his flow by coughing. Once he’s got the message you’re going to speak he goes silent “look here,” you start “Look I am going to dinner tonight, with my sister and Rose, and I was wonderin’ if y’a, if y’a wanted to swim along?”   There’s a pause “Meenah, that w9uld 6e m9st enj9ya6l3. I w9uld 6e delighted t9 acc9mpany y9u t9 this experience, th9ugh unf9rtunately I must pr9test that I am n9t the greatest 9f swimmers s9 I w9uld rather this rendezv9us was s9me where 9ut 9f the water, th9ugh I als9 6elive we sh9uld check 9ur privileges…” and he’s gone off on one, a hand appears at your forehead. (why the glub do you put up with him?) “Shh Kankri!” you growl. This time he goes quiet immediately, obviously the promise of chum has caught his attention enough to make him realise lines can be drawn. “We’re going to Jamie Ramsay’s so wear somefin nice, not that cod awful jumper!” you say down the phone.

“Wear s9mething nice, I 6elive that’s within my capa6ilities t9 achieve! Th9ugh I d9 think y9u sh9uld 6e m9re sensitive t9 the trigger9us t9pic 9f appearance…” he begins, you let out a groan and start talking over him “I will pick you up around 7 so be ready, and please for the love of cod, behave!” a few seconds pass before “fine then princess, but 9nly f9r y9u!” The line drops right after that, a chill flows down your back straightening column. (Da fuck was that!?)

You try not to think about it. You flip on the Tv in your office and take a seat on the couch in front of it, flipping to the sports channel you catch Latula starting her evening ‘Rad Chats’. This week Latula is visiting the awesome Howling Lusii Ice hockey team. The footage shows Latula doing some radical tricks on the ice. Then after a quick meet and greet with the team, getting in some one on one penalty situations with at first her taking on the goalie and failing, but in a totally rad’ way, then she’s being armoured up and having a go at saving a few hits. She doesn’t quite manage to save any but the last few, has a laugh with the team anyway and high fives are thrown all around. The section ends with her laughing and waving whilst being carried off the ice on the shoulders of the team.

You switch off the Tv, you try to catch Latula’s Tv appearances whenever possible, they are as always pretty ‘Rad’ and definitely worth watching. Although since she’s become a news anchor, she’s on Tv so much, catching her shows are less of a priority than when she had five minutes interviewing a nobody skater in the pouring rain.

You finnish most of the offishial paperwork on your desk then grab a baseball cap from your coat rack and jamming it on your head you leave your offish. You stalk down the corridor and enter the lift. Once inside you jam the button for the floor of the cleaners break room, the lift doors open with a female voice announcing “third fl00r”. Walking down the corridor you reach the cleaner’s break room. You look through the glass in the door, there’s luckily no fish in the tank (no one’s in); they must be doing their jobs (you like it when people do what they’re paid to do).You creep in carefully anyway though, no point in charging in like a mako at a swordfish.

You enter into the room and heading straight for the cleaning supplies. You grab a white cleaners coat and a cart, then baseball cap pulled down to cover your eyes, you exit the cleaner’s break room and head for the lifts. At the second floor a couple of patrons of your gym get in to the elevator, they don’t even give you a second look. When the elevator reaches the ground floor you wait for the couple to leave before exiting and heading for the cleaners’ quarters in the pool ground floor changing rooms.

You reach the changing rooms and from the looks of it, the earlier occupants of the women’s’ changing room have left. You quickly stick your head in, apart from a few speckles of cerulean there’s no sign of anyfin having happened in here. You enter the cleaners’ quarters after unlocking the door (your crew really does listen, you are one shell of a leader!) and quickly set up your mop. It takes you about half an hour, but after you’ve finnished the room looks as if no one has ever even been in the cleaner’s quarters. You spend a few minutes giving a quick clean to the changing room too, it would be bad for business if rumours or stories swum about the place about patrons using the changing rooms as ‘private rooms’.

As you leave, you pull the out of order sign off the changing room door and push your cart to the elevator. You ride the escalator up and slipping once more into the cleaner’s break room you unload the cart, then putting everyfin away step out from the break room. Now, to get ready for your next class.  “’ey boss, wvhat cha’ fishing round in mah squad’s hold, alright, alright.” (‘OH COD DAMMIT!’ of all the people you didn’t want to walk into, this guy would be number one, general sleaze douche himself: Cronus, head of the cleaning staff at your gym.) He’s standing there cocky as a barber fish swimming into a reef shark’s mouth, his unlit cigarette dangling from his fish lipped gape hole and you notice the git isn’t even wearing the cleaning staff uniform.

You glare daggers at him, you’d have thrown a few too if you had been in session. He cringes slightly, then straightens up. You smile (or at least try to) “so fish breath, why aren’t you wearing your uniform?” his eyes widen as he checks himself (did he forget?) he tries to regain some composure, he fails, and a whiny look spreads to his face “but those threads just aren’t COOL, like me, princess.” (‘WHAT DID THAT CARP FACED, BLOB FISH ASS SAY!’ First Kankri, now Cronus!) If your stare was daggers before, it now probably resembled a pair of sparking tridents. “The shell you just call me!?”  He looks conchfused and scared.

He looks at you, looks down the hall, and looks back at you. Quickly coming to a decision, he pegs it down the hall calling out. “I wvill be in wvork tommorowv, don’t fire me doll!” As you watch his absconding ass, you are almost tempted to actually fire the stone fish, but for all of his flaws (of which there are many) he does keep the cleaning staff in ship shape and your gym that way too.

After that, the rest of your day goes fairly quietly: You take a group sparring class with Bro, he keeps you all on your toes and you notice that a new addition to the group is a steel eyed Kanaya, her eyes trained on Bro with a predators precision, not that he doesn’t give her knife edge looks back (or at least you think he does, it’s hard to tell with those anime shades he has glued to his face 24/7).

At 5pm you leave. Feferi waves to you from the pool window, as she’s finnishing off her class for the old and wrinklies. You get in your car and drive home, it’s mildly spitting outside. You enter the house, Aranea is sat on her bed a book in her hand, she panics a bit when you say hi, trying to unsuccessfully hide the book underneath her, the dust cover reveals it to be a trashy quadrant love story (she’s been talking to Karkat again. Those two should make a smut lovers anonymous book club!) . You tell her about your sister buying you dinner, she nods in undersanding (her mind powers seem reelly weak at the moment , there’s somefin fishy there.) and states that she’s been crafin fish and chips for a while so this excuse to get a takeaway is perfect.

You leave her to her smutty book, unfortunately hungrier than you went in. The idea of battered fish and hot salty chips does sound amazing, but you’re going out tonight and more importantly little sis. Fef is paying!

 You dash up stairs and begin to pick through your wardrobe. Stripping down you put on a custom Porrim made bra and panties: black with fuchsia trim. The bra lifts your tits up, no one can even think of calling you flat-chested with this bad girl on! You put on a long black skirt then swish in front of a mirror, apart from being topless and looking like a gothic hula dancer you decide the skirt isn’t right. You try a few different outfits before deciding on a different black and fuchsia trim dress, a black jacket with your symbol on the back and finished off with a dashing pair of fuchsia chucks. You can’t help but smile at yourself, you look good and you know it.

You look at the time 6:45pm; probably need to go get Kankri now. Getting in your car you drive around a few blocks to get to Kankri’s, the weather has picked up to a fine spray. When you arrive he’s sat on his front garden wall holding a red umbrella over his head, he smiles as he seas your car, he’s dressed nicely: a Black jacket and trouser combo with black and white chucks, with oh cod why? That bloody red jumper underneath the jacket, though a white shirt collar and a black tie knot poke out of the top so he’s obviously made somefin of an effort. If you weren’t possibly going to be late you’d make him change, but too late now you pull up and, glowering at that jumper, you open the remora seat door.

He gets in, turns to you, smiles and puts on a seatbelt. “S9 are y9u ready f9r this interesting experience in culinary dinning 9f a finer type than y9u, 9r even I, c9uld pr9duce at h9me then?” he asks, a crackle of excitement almost penetrating through his voice. You ignore the backhanded jab and instead simply answer “yeah I am, though I’m curious how mah sister thought I should invite you, instead of say Aranea.” He looks at you “y9u’ll understand later.” He smiles, an almost hopeful smile, but he quickly rearranges his face as if you weren’t supposed to see that.

You put the car in drive and begin your Journey to the restaurant. As you near Kankri’s work his phone buzzes. He looks down at it, curiosity tinting his face. “9h that’s n9t g99d.” you keep your eyes on the road “what’s floating?” you ask. He turns to you “apparently n9t my 6rother. D9 y9u fancy taking him t9 Accident and Emergencies?” you sigh “What the shell has crabby mc, shouty gone and done this time to warrant A and E?”

 Kankri looks at his phone which has just vibrated and lit up again, “9h d9n’t w9rry he’s g9t a lift. That ir9nic guy and his, n9 judging, furrier than average girlfriend wh9 my 6r9ther may have a thing f9r are apparently 9n the case. Th9ugh if you want the details, apparently he th9ught it’d 6e cleaver, t9 after having relations with his matesprit, decide t9 try and imitate a scene fr9m 9ne 9f his fav9urite m9vies f9r her. H9wever thinking d9esn’t seem his str9ng suit and he used a wind9w instead of a d99r deciding that was the faster r9ute, n9t realising he was 9n the sec9nd fl99r 9f the apartment and fell three fl99rs down t9 the grass 9utside. Remarka6le h9w he 9nly managed t9 6reak the radi9 he ‘needed’ and fracture a few 69nes, n9thing maj9r.” You’re glad you just reached the traffic lights, because you need a moment to process this news.

“Da fuck Kankri?” you manage before the lights go green, and it’s drifin time. You take Kankri’s word on the ‘n9thing maj9r’. Kankri, when he gets worried becomes almost insurfferable, more so than usual if that’s even concheivable. Had Karkat been in any way in serious harm or in danger, Kankri would have called the evening off and demanded to see his brother. Even if when he got there he’d try and do everyfin to help, while of course backhandedly insulting Karkat for whatever reason had made him drop everyfin and rush to him. “Yes I d9 63live my br9ther is very c9ntr9led by th9se urges he calls, r9mantic gestures.”

You laugh, he smiles it’s a nice smile. You keep drifin past a few offish buildings probably Sollux’s property he reelly became a mogul and his products and surfvices are household and offish staples.  You’d an idea that he’d been dating Aradia from what Fef has told you in passing conversations.  The combo of his knowledge of doomed products and Aradia’s ability to work time around production lines made them an unstoppable team, hence their company’s success.

You drive on, it is beginning to get dark, the scenery becomes more industrial and consumer based as you get into town. Parking in a multi-story parking complex, on the third floor, you switch off the engine and just sit there. Kankri looks at you “we getting 9ut anytime s99n? I 6elive that alth9ugh the restaurant, cl9se as it may be, there are maybe pe9ple; f9r example y9ur sister, wh9 I d9n’t think I need t9 remind y9u is paying f9r this meal that we are p9tentially g9ing t9 enj9y, wh9 w9uld 6e displeased if we were t9 n9t arrive in a timely fashi9n d9 y9u n9t think?” you glance at him, your thoughts swimming back to conchsciousness. “Yeah let’s go then flounder.” You say softly.

You both step out of the car, he offers an arm and you look at him like he’s crazy, then grudgingly accept it. You walk over to the ticket kiosk arm in arm then separate to deal with the contraption. Kankri pays for a ticket then, after you throw him the keys, rushes off to put it on the dashboard. He returns a minute later flipping the keys nonshellantly in one hand a satisfied smile on his face.

He re-offers an arm but this time you decline and instead take his hand. (It’s your turn to make him uncomfortable anyone who seas you will think you’re flushed, ha!) The idea brings a smile at the ridiculousness. He looks slightly shocked but that just makes you grin. You lead on, his hand gripped tightly in yours.

After leaving the car park you begin walking towards the restaurant. As you near the place, you spot Feferi, she’s wearing a green and blue dress with a black jacket, a pair of fuchsia trainers finishing the look. Next to her is a quietly texting blonde girl wearing a black dress with a yellow sun emblazoned to the front, her feet shoed in yellow chucks. You and Kankri stroll up and Feferi waves at you, a look of surprise rippling on her lightly freckled face as she notices you holding Kankri’s hand.

You release Kankri’s hand and hug your sister. You’re in public and being friendly and affectionate is a soshell convention that a well known business owner should comply to. Feferi whispers “you were holding his hand to make him uncomfortable weren’t you?” you pull away and flash her a smile which surprisingly she returns. Fishy and not like the animal.

She smiles then turns to Rose who’s stopped texting and is casually regarding you and Kankri in an almost analytical way. “Right shell we go in then! The table is booked to be ready in 20 minutes, but I’m shore they will let us buy drinks and wait at the bar.” Feferi says brightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the story continues, next time Dinner should be interesting, though I’m sure you’ve all worked out why certain people are attending. Karkat learns that a second floor window is not a great place to exit a building from… yeah thank goodness for his god knightly resilience. Till next time, Krypto.


	8. Fighting feasters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Going on a double hate date isn’t such a bad idea… is it?

The déc9r is classic Italian-English fusi9n w99d and warmth. Y9u, Meenah, Feferi and Rose all sit at the bar. Feferi and Rose talk animatedly. Y9u h9pe they aren’t triggering each 9ther, th9ugh for all y9ur kn9wledge that c9uld 6e the p9int Feferi is trying t9 6ase this p9tential kismesitude 9n. Meenah attired in a 6eautiful 6lack and fuchsia dress, her jacket c9vering the 6ar st99l, sits next t9 y9u a pint in hand. Y9ur 9wn pint is rested 9n the 6ar in fr9nt 9f y9u, 6arely t9uched.

y9u start trying t9 talk t9 Meenah as y9u take a measured sip from your pint “s9 what d9 y9u think y9u will try at this delightful delicatessen  it will 6e an amazing experience I 6et th9ugh we must…” and there she g9es, ‘that look’ just falls acr9ss her face, she l99ks at y9u 6ut isn’t listening. Y9u finish your sentence slightly earlier than y9u might have had ‘that look’ n9t 6een depl9yed it had 6een s9 many sweeps and she still always pulled it. Sure the 9thers tended t9 just interrupt 9r walk 9ff but 9nly Meenah put 9n ‘that look’ standing in fr9nt 9f y9u and then as s99n as y9u were finished she’d then talk a69ut s9mething she wanted t9 talk a69ut usually n9t even in the same t9pic genre, it was … infuriatingly delici9us.

That 6eing said; y9u had 9riginally th9ught 9f this as just unrequited feelings, 6r9ught 9n 6y y9ur race’s natural nature to 6e drawn t9 filling y9ur quadrants as y9u g9t 9lder. H9wever after the game had ended, y9u’d 6een pulled fr9m the weirdness 9f the 6u66les and y9u’d started aging again, even if sl9wer than was previously precedent, it was alm9st like a pair of dark sunglasses had 6een lifted from y9ur n9w cherry red eyes, and the feelings that y9u had 9riginally thought were just simple petty gr9wing urges and easy t9 dismiss in the less… messy practice of celi6acy had remained and n9w were calling 9ut far str9nger t9 n9w 6e acted 9n. With all that, here y9u are; 9n a p9tential hate date with the girl y9u th9ught might just hate y9u as much y9u deeply hate her.

Her eyes revert t9 their n9rmal l99k and she begins “so do you fink that Crabby mc, shouty has healed up yet?” 9h great n9w she’s talking a69ut y9ur br9ther, if 9nly that guy w9uld learn t9 put th9ught int9 things, like y9u d9. Y9u w9uldn’t have had t9 mention the damned accident and this t9pic w9uldn’t 6e a su6ject 9f interest f9r the girl y9u are 9n a p9tential date with, wh9 may have previ9usly sh9wn interest in your 6r9ther. Which really grinds y9ur gears s9mewhat f9r s9me reas9n and where were y9u? 9h yes y9u were laying d9wn a rather l9ng p9tentially triggerous rant in y9ur head as t9 why the subject 9f y9ur 6r9ther was a really 6ad t9pic t9 6ring up when it is clear he will 6e fine and that there are relevant n9n discussed t9pics like; ‘what are we all g9ing t9 6e eating?’ that have 6een set up and n9t even resp9nded t99.  

Like the w9rdsmith y9u are y9u casually reply that “ I am sure my 6r9ther will 6e fine, after all his class, the knight d9es all9w him certain… immunities that when paired with his g9d tier f9rm all9w him t9 6e fairly hardy. N9w Meenah what are y9u fancying t9 eat?” she 6links as if realising y9u’d just asked her a questi9n, with9ut giving her a pr9per and cleaver piece 9f c9nversati9n t9 acc9mpany it. >“Erm I was finking that somefin with roast ham would be fine, though I could reelly go for some crab…” she answers, trailing 9ff at the end as if she’d said s9me thing trigger9us. Y9u pause then realise the p9tential trigger. y9u laugh “Ha ha. Cra6 s9unds delightful, all9w me t9 rec9mmend a Dungeness cra6, it’s succulent, tender and flaky.” It’s a fairly sh9rt c9mment 6ut hey y9u can pull 9ut a few 9f th9se t9 keep her 9n her 'fins'. Her head tilts slightly as if she’s pr9cessing the inf9rmati9n then n9ds. “yeah, thanks. That sounds shella good to me.”

The c9nversation turns t9 h9w the gym is running which lights up Meenah’s  face, as she g9es int9 her tales 9f the week, pr96a6ly a watered d9wn versi9n if y9ur kn9wledge 9f Meenah is as g99d as y9u think it is. y9u 9ccasionally 6ring up p9tential trigger warnings t9 ensure she kn9ws. “so yeah a swimmingly good week, if I do say so my shellf!” She ann9unces pr9udly. A minute after that declaration Feferi catches y9ur eye and n9ds t9 a man in a unif9rm l99king at the gr9up expectantly, y9u get the message and with a small grin tell Meenah “I believe 9ur ta6le is ready.” She grins 6ack “let’s get this shell on the wave!”

The waiter leads y9u, Meenah, Feferi and Rose past 9ther guests sat at tables and up a flight 9f stairs int9 what y9u c9uld 9nly guess t9 6e VIP seating as the ta6le is secluded in a m99d lit r99m, 6ehind a d99r, al9ng a c9rrid9r 9f  5 similar d99rs. Y9u all take a seat ar9und the table: Meenah in fr9nt 9f y9u Rose next t9 y9u and Feferi acr9ss fr9m her and next t9 Meenah. F9ur menus lie 9n the table, 9ne in fr9nt 9f each guest, the waiter p9ints t9 a butt9n 9n the wall underneath a pannel that might c9ver a micr9ph9ne and speaker and indicates t9 push it when service is required. Then he leaves quickly, a 69w 6966ed in quickly t9 the diners.

“So what is everyone drinking?” Rose starts, Feferi sh99ts her a l99k 9f daggers. Since y9u’d all 6r9ught y9ur alm9st finished drinks fr9m the 6ar this seems an 9dd question, h9wever Meenah in her usual way smiles “I want some Kraken rum and coke with a chaser of house white!” Y9u menti9n a Desire t9 try a Manhattan and that white wine s9unded fine, Feferi still l99king slightly triggered 6ut n9w f9rced t9 f9ll9w up t9 g9 with the fl9w with the maj9rity 9f the r99m answering, sighs “I will have a Bahama mama, oh cod I’m gonna need one…” Rose pushes the butt9n 9n the wall a v9ice c9mes 9n fr9m a panel a69ve it. “yes, how may I help?” t9 which she resp9nds “one Kraken rum and coke, one Manhattan, a Bahama mama and a gin Martini, stirred not shaken, oh and four glasses of the somelier recommended white. Thank you ever so much.” With that she releases the 6utt9n and straightens up at the ta6le a c9cky smile 9n her face. Feferi l99ks slightly put 9ut, 6ut smiles and winks at y9u when she n9tices y9u l99king.

“Cheer up sis!” Meenah smiles clapping her sister 9n the sh9ulder, an enthusiastic grin 9n her face. “Yeah I will, sorry everyone.” Feferi mum6les sheepishly, her lightly freckled cheeks turning a shade 9f fuchsia. Rose, a smirk pulling up, grinned “no need to be so timid, dear.” A flash of fuchsia 6urned acr9ss Feferi’s visage, as her eyes f9cused t9 glare at Rose wh9 just returned the glare with a c9ndescending Cheshire grin.         

It was ar9und that p9int that a kn9ck at the d99r arrived and deciding t9 get up 6ef9re things get t99 9ut 9f hand, y9u 9pen the d99r t9 a smiling waitress carrying a tray with y9ur selecti9n 9f drinks. Y9u smile welc9mingly at her and h9ld the d99r 9pen, she walks in and sets d9wn drinks t9 the pe9ple wh9 asked f9r them. She finally leaves y9ur Manhattan in y9ur vacant place, which y9u thank her f9r and 6egin t9 start t9 tell her h9w her service was very un96trusive… When Meenah cuts y9u 9ff and in her m9st c9ntr9lled v9ice thanks the waitress f9r the drinks, whilst giving y9u evil eyes. Very un-called f9r 6ehavi9ur.

Y9u sit 6ack in y9ur seat next t9 Rose and after taking a sip fr9m y9ur Manhattan, smile at Meenah. “s9 h9w is y9ur’s, a rum and c9ke is a rather safe ch9ice f9r y9u?” y9u are trying the limiting the w9rds thing she suggested 9nce 9r twice, th9ugh in her mind she’s pr96a6ly thinking hundreds 9r th9usands 9f times y9u kn9w it’s been 1243 times, including the implied 9ne when y9u were helping the waitress. Meenah gives y9u an appraising l99k, a small smile curls the side 9f her lips. “Well I’ve never been to this bit of the pond before, so the water may be bad. If they mess up a simple drink like a Rum and coke, ain’t no point sticking around for mains.” Her eyes give y9u a l99k 9f; if her drink is 6ad, then s9meh9w c9nf9unding as it is, it will 6e y9ur fault and there’s n9thing y9u can d9 a69ut it. S9metimes this lady really 6urns your 699ks.  She takes a gulp 9f her drink, her fuchsia lips kissing the glass leaving a indent in the c9ndensati9n. her face c9nsiders the c9nc9cti9n f9r a minute 6ef9re a grin pulls her expressi9n up. “now that’s a shella good rum an coke aint no doubt!” she announces.

Feferi smiles “That’s good Sister, shoal we order now?” Rose, wh9 y9u have 6een lead t9 6elieve thr9ugh interacti9ns with Kanaya; wh9 graci9usly was willing t9 listen t9 three quarters 9f 9ne 9f y9ur m9re ver69se and well th9ught 9ut lectures 9n the imp9rtance 9f acceptance, is a practiced drinker t9 the p9int 9f 6eing called a pr96lematic alc9h9lic, then caught all 9f y9ur attenti9ns with a gasp “Fef! You’ve already finished it?” Y9u turn y9ur attenti9n t9 the tall glass in fr9nt 9f Feferi, it was empty.

Feferi c9ughs then smiles “so about ordering.” 96vi9usly trying t9 get 9ff that t9pic. Rose picks up the menu she was inspecting earlier and asks if every9ne is d9ing starters. with a few n9ds 9f agreement, she smiles and f9cuses 9n the c9ntents. Y9u l99k at y9ur menu and instantly are drawn t9 the starter 9f seared scall9ps with leeks and lem9n chilli 6utter. Y9u take this 9rder and as y9u are alm9st finished 9rdering every9ne’s f99d Feferi pipes up “and another Bahama mama!” the v9ice fr9m the speaker c9nfirms that additi9n and Rose lets 9ut a just audi6le sigh then adds “and a gin and tonic, heavy on the gin!” y9u see Feferi’s eyes widen 6ut the 9rder is already placed.

A few minutes later, y9u’ve started 9n y9ur wine, the Manhattan n9w c9mf9rta6ly residing in y9ur digesti9n cham6er, the starters arrive al9ng with the tw9 extra drinks. Y9u and Meenah give each 9ther a l99k 9f understanding, 9h shit th9se tw9 are g9ing 9ink-6east meat 9n the alc9h9l!

Y9u 6egin t9 eat, y9ur think pan d9esn’t even register the fine taste of the scall9ps, that have 96vi9usly 6een prepared 6y a fantastic c99k. At the m9ment, y9u’re su6tly keeping an eye 9n the slightly 9dd drinking c9ntest that’s g9ing 9n. Rose has necked her wine and is sl9wly sipping her gin and t9nic, her eyes never leaving Feferi’s. Feferi 9n the 9ther hand has ditched the straw and is drinking the Bahama mama’s slushy like texture, like an actual slushie.  

Meenah’s cutlery hits her plate “right then time for that crab!” Feferi and Rose 69th turn t9 l99k at their c9mpani9n their 9dd c9ntest delayed. Y9u l99k d9wn t9 see y9u have als9 finished y9ur starter. Where did it all g9! Y9u feel like y9u may have caused an 9ffence 6y n9t sav9uring and giving the dish the respect it deserves. Y9u 6egin t9 articulate this when Meenah cuts you 9ff “nuh uh, don’t you start. I’m shella looking forward to that crab, an one of your speeches isn’t going to stop me from ordering it.” A wave 9f instant anger c9urses thr9ugh y9u 6ut y9u relax a 6it and c9ntr9l y9urself, 9ne 9f y9ur speaches w9uldn't put her 9ff the delici9us cra6 in fact as far as y9ur c9ncerned the entire hist9ry and anat9my less9n 9f the Dungeness cra6 w9uld make her appreciate the dish that much m9re, 6ut that was her ch9ice t9 n9t listen and y9u want t9 waste y9ur 6reath 6ut s9mething says wait.

Meenah 9rders this time, y9u give her y9ur 9rder 9f Kedgeree, and are quietly delighted with her ch9ice t9 c9ntinue t9 g9 f9r the Dungeness cra6. Rose and Feferi 69th 9rder Steak medium rare with squid rings 9n the side. Meenah at the end calls f9r drinks. Rose and Feferi 69th 9rder 6ahama mamas. Rose 9rders hers with the exclamation 9f “well now I have got to see what’s so good about these that you keep getting them!” y9u 9rder a white Russian a drink y9u’ve had plenty 9f experience drinking, after the charming film that y9ur 6r9ther intr9duced y9u t9; The big Lebowski, which inf9rmed y9u 9f the dude and his ha66it of c99lly asking f9r the drink at alm9st every chance he g9t. Meenah gives y9u a wicked l99k and 9rders a 6l99dy Mary, then pauses and adds “make it shella Bloody!”

Half way thr9ugh mains Feferi and Rose 9rder an9ther f9ur 6ahama mamas. Y9u 6egin t9 lecture them 9n the am9unt 9f alc9h9l they are c9nsuming, when 69th turn t9 y9u and tell y9u in n9 minced w9rds t9 “shut the fuckup!" Meenah 6eams at this 9ccurrence, y9u grind y9ur teeth as y9u take an9ther m9uthful 9f the delici9us Kedgeree.

After Meenah finishes her f99d she l99ks up 6rightly “so who’s up for dessert?” Feferi wh9 is finishing her last squid ring n9ds enthusiastically, y9u notice her cheeks are 6right fuchsia. Rose wh9 is l99king a little less s9zzled, 6ut still r9sy cheeked, sh99ts her a l99k 9f daggers “butsh your healtsh ish not good fr sch a sex…y woo…man like your fineself!....” then her rant trailed 9ff int9 inc9herent drunken ram6ling “Don’t shyou bring my shellth into this bish, I am fiiine, shyou shaid it your shellf …:) …. Hic… heh S.X.Y shore duunk!” Feferi replies her eyes widen then narr9w t9 a drunken sc9wl “shyou shaid shyou’d given hup on shrinking, shyou shaid sho.” 6ef9re y9u c9uld even m9ve t9 apprehend the tw9, they clumsily lunged at each 9ther. Y9u turn t9 Meenah wh9 gives y9u a grin “If ya think ima doing that you got more shells in your head than a Cornish beach.” Y9u 9pen y9ur m9uth, as y9u d9 an9ther meets it. Y9u can’t 6elieve h9w well the plan y9u and Feferi put t9gether is g9ing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So wow this took me a while to do... sorry about that. (use hagrids voice after he breaks down the door to the shack)  
> Kankri for somereason was just difficult to get into the writing style for lead character and even now I'm not totally happy with it.  
> Also figuring out Rose and Feferi's basis of kismesitude was fun any guesses at what I came up with?  
> so yeah I will try and get the next chapter out sooner than this one though hey that shouldn't be too hard... right?  
> anyway this story is nearing the end look to the future this series has only just begun!


End file.
